Empty. A short note

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Empty. A short note
I stayed awake with her on my bed as she stayed naked and asleep while I felt empty, this is the typical me after such scenarios, especially when it’s nothing but a memory. At that point I knew I was changing. I knew I had to let go off my boredom and guilt through writing this.  I love to be deep and sensible but at times we lose our balance, so maybe I had my share of this.  I love to have fun. I wish I was more but sometimes I am just a typical man of my age, young, and adventurous. So pardon me if you’re not like me for the picture I am about to paint.  Amidst my memories, experience and escapades, I still  think that there’s so much void to be filled by me  just like everyone else  that at times I feel empty. I feel this void more in any woman I am capable of taking advantage of because she wants it. Sometimes I wish for more, but sometimes we just settle for less through our lusts. I hate to be vain but being deep doesn’t always take away the sexual parts of us, I most times just only try to not pay enough attention to the EMPTY details it brings, and she just hasn’t realized that.

This must be the reason why I always play the music loud whenever we are together and she moans with the screams of a lady doing opera; it only makes me feel emptier.  Empty as the promises she makes whenever she drowns in the wetness our union causes as her body becomes hot, her legs start to shake and her breathing increases with screams and moans. Empty as unemotional sex, like the way the bed rocks when she aggressively clings on the bed sheet while giving me love bites with all that “Oh my God, I’m bout to come” bullshit statements as if I asked for her climax update.  Or the empty promises of how she’d always love you.  Sincerely, those words don’t mean a lot to me except if it’s true, else, I’d be considering that they are inspired by orgasm while I wonder how many people she must have also said that to in such situations.

I love to have fun with a lifestyle that is always on the go, I never compromise my emotion so these days I keep thinking that maybe a part of me needs to settle down. I don’t pretend like those men that make you feel like they don’t like women, except that my mind do not have enough space and time for them, especially the ones that have nothing but flesh to offer. Naturally I love smart women; my friends think that the easiest way to turn me on is by intellects.  Well, maybe I love this part of me considering that I’d rather be attracted to a woman with good brains, a positive outlook and a sound mind than a woman that is sexy with hips and breast, considering that these days anyone can be sexy as that can be acquired while you can’t fake being smart or at least for so long, so I keep searching for my type, someone who’s good looking but not so fine. Perhaps  smart and  deep and then I find her and like the guess,  the conversations gets me Kind of  TURNED  on by how she thinks and how she wants her world to TURN out like it’s our TURN to TURN it into that. So then I feel that truly we can TURN into  friends and then Turn Into whatever comes only to TURN out our clothes. She TURNs off the lights, we TURN ourselves on and once again I hope that feeling of EMPTINESS isn’t what it TURNS out to be.

I don’t like feeling vain, I hate to be empty but then, I love to meet women via conversations and then our minds meet,  we connect and our hearts beat till her lips voluntarily finds her way in my lips and all of a sudden my hands comfortably holds her hips. The pleasure once again must have made my mind quit being deep as my fingertips leaks till she wets her bed sheet.  Sincerely, it feels good how we sometimes acts as swift as we both lose grips of sanity so quick till we flip; this leaves us weak and unable to speak. It must have felt so sweet, and bleak, as what’s deep only resurrects after she’s climaxed to sleep. How empty?


Pardon the tone of this words, I am only trying to analyze the emptiness of having sex with someone you’re not married, emotionally attached  to nor have any intention to. I must still be growing as every day I draw closer to becoming a fan of loyalty to one partner, to fidelity in marriage and putting this in practise is something I look forward to.  Sometimes I really want to settle down and fast. But maybe, I need to be more careful since I look forward to being only in a meaningful relationship leading into marriage.
I am at a point in my life where there’s a need to settle down,  but also cautious of settling for less. I don’t want much, I don’t want to be empty by being concerned about just looks or at least feel that way with a woman because I see her only in that light. So sometimes, this crowd of women around don’t mean nothing, just the right one will do.  I wish for a woman, that will be a part of my life to not just fill space and time, but someone we both can mutually feel values added. Perhaps a woman that really loves you not for just one thing or the other but more than everything, a woman that understands your past, accepts your present and still believe in a common future shared. A woman that will take you in the second place of his heart,  right after God and values.
The truth is that most of us seems lost in bodies and lives not really our own and how lovely it’d be to find someone that can help you find yours while you help do the same, isn’t that what partnership is all about .How lovely it’d be to find someone that knows for whom and for what you live for, and then become a part of it. Perhaps, a visionary person driven by purpose and objectives and not by the whirlwinds of pressure and gullibility.

It’s outrageous when women think that men seem to be afraid of a woman that reaches top potentials ( I think that this is even more pronounced in our society where the role of a woman in life has been narrowed down to end in a man’s kitchen and bed. Sometimes society even frowns at women who chase advanced degrees and careers as this is believed to inhibit one’s tendency to get married or stay loyal in marriage. And in other to have a man, some become average, especially with accomplishments). Although there’s an element of truth in this, maybe closer to the truth is that most men are sometimes cowards when it comes to women, so we are afraid of women that are so ambitious with a smart brain and not a wise heart.

There’s so much false premonition in having stereotypes, but maybe it’d be lovely to have someone in your life that holds her own life, knowing what to do with it and in my own case, maybe a woman that complements my person while I also do the same with uncompromised love and respect.  

No one is perfect or an island so we all need support. I think a partner should be someone that can play this role the best. The support here should have no boundary or limits to materialism, so it’d be nice to have someone who can do this best from our shallow flesh (sexually) to our minds (mentally) and even to the depth of our soul (spiritually). So I hope it’s not too much asking for a woman that can come in handy for the effective prayers she brings forth with the same seductive lips used for kissing only one person exclusively. A lose woman holds the potential of every other ill (from betrayal, to abominations and even murder). One of the worst mistakes to make in finding the right woman I’ve learnt is to have a promiscuous woman for a partner, in it lies shame, regret, death and even the door to bring back a generation of Sodom and Gomorrah through your kids as it flows through bloods and genes, even if you can manage that person, so now more than ever, we need not such.  What we need more isn’t necessarily a religious person, but a woman that radiates positivity more with a smile to cover sadness in those time that are inevitable while I do the same also to her when there’s a need.

I’ve always loved women that can hold themselves high enough to make a man proud. I love women that are beautiful, especially when it’s from within



 
 

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